I don’t want to ruin the movie for you so if you haven’t seen it, continue reading at your own risk…
At first glance, P.S. I Love You is just plain heartbreaking. The main character, Holly, married her husband Jerry after a whirlwind romance at a young age. They didn’t have approval from anyone but their love was so strong that they didn’t need it – they needed to be together. As we’re introduced to the couple, now knee deep in the realities of married life and responsibilities, we learn that Holly’s father left her family when she was just a girl. Her fear of abandonment has kept her from loving her husband with all of her heart. It became evident that she was protecting herself from what she felt was the inevitable – another broken heart.
Deep down inside, she knew Jerry was different from her father but he did end up leaving – this earth that is – after suffering a brain tumor. During his illness, he thought of Holly and what she would be going through after he was gone. He knew she would need his guidance and encouragement to move on. So, he prepared a variety of letters and prearranged events – for reasons Holly couldn’t quite understand – yet she craved the encounters more than air itself. She desired his presence and, I’m sure, hoped for another chance to love him back. To love him more than her fears had allowed her to love him before.
His letters made her laugh – like when he told her to go buy a lamp so she wouldn’t stub her toe in the dark anymore. His letters made her protest – like when he told her to go out karaokening. Didn’t he remember what happened the last time he made her do karaoke?! His letters excited her like when the travel agent told her that Jerry had planned a trip to his homeland, Ireland, for her and her girlfriends. His letters confused her when he told her to go to a pub where she would hear their song and she began to question… Why was he doing this? Why was he making her relive the past? Did he want her to move on and live again, or was he asking her to stay with him in the past?
His next to last letter was given to her at his childhood home. He brought her to his beginnings and asked her to remember her own beginnings. He wanted her to remember the girl she was when they had first met – full of hope and anticipation for the future. Because when they first met, the future was wide open and so was her heart. Anything was possible. He wanted her to realize that she was still that girl. Her future would still be wide open if she would only be willing to reopen her heart.
After watching this movie a half a dozen times (when something grabs my heart I grab it back) the true message began to creep ever deeper into my heart…This is the same exact journey that God is taking me on right now! “Do you remember who you were when we first met?” “Do you remember who you were before you built up expectations and requirements for happiness?” “Will you please be the girl I know you are?” “Are you willing to open your heart once again?”
Just like Jerry asked of Holly, God asks me to acknowledge the broken pieces of my heart causing me to relive painful memories too. But I am learning more and more that they are not meant to perpetuate the pain. They are meant to show me how to let go of it. It’s not an easy road to take – this journey – but it doesn’t lead in circles like the roads of pretending that the pain doesn’t exist does. I’ll take the very difficult road that leads to healing over a round-a-bout of denial any day.
Here’s a trailer – there may be some content that will offend certain viewers but the message outweighs the indiscretions in my opinion. Just fyi.
She smelled. Everyday.
I had gym class with her.
I never spoke to her much but there’s always a certain amount of pity involved when someone has not quite caught on…in life.
She was outspoken. Intimidating.
The kind of person I would generally avoid.
Her obnoxious behavior was a repellent to me and I guarded myself from her. I devalued her.
One day, obnoxious met pitiful in the hallway.
“Why do you smell,” she demanded. She berated.
Fully guarded, I quipped, “Someone should have taught you some manners!”
“Oh, yeah?! Who?”
I knew, in that moment, that she had challenged me. She was asking me to say what her heart was longing for.
“Yo Mama, that’s who!” I knowingly, yet ignorantly, hit the nail on the head. For moments later I saw her crying in the arms of the coach. “She didn’t know,” was her only comfort.
She didn’t know for sure…but she knew now. And yet, I wasn’t mature enough to let my guard down. I was too prideful to think that I had defended the obvious underdog instead of befriending the real weakling.
If it were to happen again today, I know I’d do things differently. Because I’ve lowered my guard in exchange for trusting my instincts, and because I have grown up enough to see past the obvious. Looking instead, into the veiled reality of broken hearts and damaged souls.
I get frustrated. I get mad. I get loud. I cry.
They’re little. They don’t understand,
What they did was wrong – that’s all they know.
Sometimes they don’t even know what they did wrong yet.
In my rants, I let them know that just because I’m mad,
it doesn’t mean I don’t love them.
I will always love them. No matter what.
They have to know that.
And then I wonder,
Does my husband have the same assurance?
The man that is my partner
The man I promised to love and cherish
Because the world is wrought with doubt
and adulthood is saturated in confusion
wrapped up in fear.
We need the confidence of one another
One my other.
No matter what.
I may be busting on my own gender here but doesn’t it seem like most women refuse to trust what they can’t control? Women have done everything possible to attain equality yet we still struggle. For most women, being equal is equal to being in control. That’s not equality folks. It’s revenge. Truthfully, it was not equality that women had to achieve in the first place. It takes humility, submission and sacrifice to reap the benefits of true equality from both sides. Humility=Humility. Sacrifice=Sacrifice. Honoring=Honoring. Just like in math, equal means that both sides have to add up to the same amount. One side can’t just allow the other side to honor them if they’re not going to reciprocate the honoring in return. (If this resonates at all, ask yourself if you’re goal is equality or if it’s not something more self-serving.)
As women, we’ve trapped ourselves. Submission makes us look weak, humility reminds us that we really are weak, and sacrifice is like a swear word. Self-reliance and independence look much stronger and more equal to men. This is why most people will never experience equality in their marriages and/or relationships. It requires and demands of us when we’d rather be the ones doing the requiring and demanding.
For the purposes of a healthy marriage/relationship, our only option is to lay ourselves down before the Lord together, Man AND Woman. Equally as open to serving. Equally as open to sharing. There is no other way. One can arm wrestle the other into the prostrate position and test false positives for love and loyalty but this, a lasting and fulfilling marriage does not make. For those unwilling to do the work necessary to become equal, it can look successful and healthy from the outside. But that gets old, doesn’t it?
I think it’s time for a paradigm shift, don’t you? I think it’s time for God’s kind of equality. I think it’s time for God’s kind of love. The kind that takes equal work and equal pain, as well as equal amounts of freedom and pleasure.
The hard work of equality in relationships may not be pretty but it sure does benefit everyone.
Last night at our church’s Christmas Service my mind was wandering (cause let’s be honest – I’ve lived through 33 Christmases and I know what happens at the end of the story). As I prayed, I cried. Spontaneously I offered, “Father, I yield to you,” and immediately I saw myself on a track with God on the sideline right next to me. He said, “That’s nice Becky, but I’m not giving you a yield sign. I want you to go, Go, GO!” It felt like a scene from a funny movie because -being a good little girl- I picked up the pace but as I was passing him, I couldn’t turn my head forward. Was he sure about this? I was shocked and wanted to ask questions but his mandate was clear – Just Go! And keep going. If I really wanted to be obedient, there was no time for questions. I have to get this butt in gear and go! Sold out, face forward, and focused.
Spiritual life can sometimes seems like a game of “Mother May I”? We think we need to be told, shown and guided. We think we need to ask for every step. Well all I can say to that is, if you’re moving in the right direction, keep moving and go faster!
And of course it never hurts to have a little encouragement from friends either
I have to say, 1 Corinthians 8:13 has always tripped me up.
Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause him to fall.
I’m sorry, but if I want to eat meat…I’m gonna eat meat. If I don’t, I won’t. If that shakes your faith, I think it must be pretty weak and that’s not really going to change – whether I choose to eat meat or not. I just never have been able to accept it. It wouldn’t settle in my soul. And if something doesn’t settle in my soul, I wait. And wait. And wait.
Well finally the wait is over and we have settlement! And here’s why I have had so much trouble – I will never accept anything other than God’s desires for me no matter what anyone else thinks or says. After all, he created me. He told me he wants me to be the “me” that he created. No one else. Me. So why would God place desires in my heart only to ask me to deny them for the benefit of people who can’t think on their own?
God does desire for me to trust him and trust what he put in me. Regardless of what my peers, friends or family expect of me. But, freedom’s intentions must be evaluated.
True maturity is exhibited when you learn the difference between challenging the world with your God given expression of freedom and shocking the world for the sheer purpose of pushing people’s buttons…just because you can. There is something to be said for honoring what’s socially acceptable (as much as that may sound like nails on a chalkboard). Societies are built and thrive on creating a socially acceptable atmosphere that creates a much needed feeling of safety and security in a world that can be so unpredictable and frightening. Socially acceptable, in the right context, is invaluable.
So, yes – Be who God made you to be! Ask him how to do that in your circle of influence in a way that honors him. Trust what he put in you and discern how to walk it out authentically. Live your life with abandoned intention, not intentions abandoned.
I always find it funny, when walking past a stranger, how quietly I say hello. I might as well be lip syncing. I guess it takes enough energy just to decide if I should look them in the eye and smile or not that I can’t muster more than a whisper. And, just in case it’s not reciprocated, I can pretend like that really didn’t just happen anyway.
Well, this scenario played out again today and it felt a little too familiar. I felt the “prick” in my spirit.
Come boldly, Becky! You know me. You can trust me. I’m not a stranger or even an acquaintance. Yeah, it can be a little intimidating that I know even more about you than you do, but you have to know I’m not interested in using that information against you. I only want the best for you. You can smile at me and be confident that I won’t turn away. You can squeal hello with excitement to me and know that I will be just as excited with my response back to you.
How often do we treat God like a friendly passer-bye? Sure we’re confident enough to look up and smile. Maybe mouth a hello. A sincere thank you. But our encounters with God should look like more than the greeting you give a random stranger who holds a door open for you. Are you ready to be bold? Are you ready to know grace like never before? (Hebrews 4:16)
There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother/sister – Proverbs 18:24
A sponge can only soak up so much liquid before it’s completely saturated. And if you continue to wipe with a saturated sponge you’re going to be messing more than your cleaning. This is where I’ve been living for a long time. I’ve saturated myself with a world that is covered in messes. Spills, drips, splatters and all out dumps. I have this one heart the size of my hand and without realizing it, I’ve been soaking up all of the sorrows that have crossed my path. I hear stories of abused children and I soak in the grief and heartbreak. I see people holding onto pains from the past and I soak in their pain as if it were mine. I hear stories of struggles that I’ve been through and instead of rejoicing in my overcoming them, I stay with them in their pain. This one heart can only hold so much and when it’s saturated with so much pain, grief, and sorrow, it begins to contaminate the parts that were already whole and full of life.
I cried as I showed my dripping sponge to Jesus. His response?
Becky, that’s my mess to clean up. That’s my grieving child to hold. That’s my broken child to carry. And I’m here to help you clean up your messes too, you know. You don’t have to carry these burdens…how about you give them to me?
Jesus isn’t asking me to disassociate. He isn’t asking me not to share in the sorrows of my brothers and sisters. What he is asking me to do, is to not hold onto them. To soak up and share the pain of those around me – and then wring out that sponge into his capable hands - immediately. His love for us is so great. I’ve got to trust him in it and know that when the people around me are hurting and grieving, they are not going to fall apart if I don’t hold their pain and sorrow for them. Or at least if they do fall apart, I have to know it wasn’t my fault. Like he said, that’s his job – not mine.
He makes all things new!
Hidden talents
forgotten
unrecognized
broken gifts
Can they all be new again?
Receive it!
In prayer, Jesus says to me (and hopefully it resonates with you)…
I was broken like you
We’re new together
Don’t stay broken
Don’t keep me broken
Just like when you were a child
and everything was possible
when everything was new
Walk with me again
Look with new eyes again
Drink without knowing
Taste the unfamiliar
Forget what you’ve come to know
What you know is unknown
Be ready to discover again!
~
Do we have to constantly try new things to relate to new? No, we have to constantly remind ourselves that what is familiar is not known. We can look, taste, feel, hear, and smell with new intention. Not to relive but revive. My encouragement to you today is to use your senses with new intentions and remember what it was like when everything was new. I remember what it was like to feel like I could do anything. There was never anything standing in my way. I gave life everything I had. And then I came to know some things about life. Knowing caused me to hesitate. Knowing brought me fear. Knowing has kept me broken and my heart has been weeping in remembrance of those days before the knowing. If I want to be whole again, I’m going to have to start newing instead of knowing.
There are dreams alive in my heart that I’m actually afraid of. Tucked away, safe inside, you can imagine about someday…and someday seems safe enough. But when a dream comes close enough to touch reality, somehow the rules change and the risks start looking bigger than the rewards.
Recently, I prayed, “God, please give me the ability to do this!”
“You already have everything you need.”
“Yeah, but, I don’t really think I can do this.”
“Okaaay…^Ta-Daaaah^”
“Haha, ok. You didn’t do anything just now.”
“Trust me. You already have it in you.”
And my creator has been reminding me of this ever since.
Does anyone doubt that a child has everything the child needs to become a fully grown adult? No. We know it’s true. A baby will grow and grow and we don’t question it. You have everything you need already. You were created with abilities – some you’ve learned how to use and some you haven’t developed yet. Are you willing to look within yourself and actually see the things you’ve only imagined were there?
For me, it feels like a huge risk. I have the potential…to make a great big fool of myself. But I guess I also have the potential to live up to my potential. Imagine that!
Newton’s First Law (also known as the Law of Inertia) states that an object at rest tends to stay at rest and that an object in uniform motion tends to stay in uniform motion unless acted upon by a net external force.
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